What's good for baby IS good for mama!!

Look up gentle parenting, you can find an endless wealth of wonderful information about the amazing benefits for the children. They're smart, kind, bright, secure, loving, independent, generous. The list goes on, there is no doubt that children raised consciously and gently are extremely well rounded on many different levels. But what about us? How do parents fare when parenting with purpose? Well, for lack of a better way to phrase it, we are freaking AMAZING. Seriously. I'll start here, I am NOT perfect, nowhere even in the ballpark. But when we started our parenting journey 8 years ago, we had a plan, breastfeeding, no spanking, no sleep training, that was about it. I didn't know there was a title for it, that was mostly how I was raised, so that was important to me. Then we had Evan 16.5 months later, yep, I had my days. By the time they were both toddlers, I had LOTS of "those" days. There were times I wanted to yell, there were times I did. There were even times (many of them) I was so frustrated that I thought to myself, "IF I were a spanker, THIS would be that time". But I didn't. I was forced to find another way. I was forced to think outside the box. Whether is was whispering just so they would have to calm down and listen to hear or taking a mommy time out, I had to find a better way, a way that didn't harm. The inside of your head is a scary place, but when you have to think instead of resorting to a primal anger and lashing out, you're forced to grow by thinking of new ways! Spanking is the equivalent of an angry toddler lashing out because they don't have the words to express the frustration they feel. So when we fight the urge to hit, its our brain saying "use your words!!" and you invent new ways to cope, new ways to understand and communicate. It makes us more patient with our kids, our spouses, our annoying coworkers, or the jackhole behind us in traffic. Am I saying it makes us better than other parents? Obviously not, what I'm saying is that it FORCES us to grow. Nor am I saying that those who do not practice or were not raised by gentle parenting are a failure. I'm saying that for me, I'm more patient, kinder, more tolerant, yet I STILL have my moments and always will, we all will, being human is a challenge! But when we parent with our hearts and with purpose rather than reactions and lashing out, we grow more conscientious children. And those children grow enlightened parents.

New rant...err...post?

     Okay, I remembered today why I never read the comments portion of articles. I read the one about Mayim Bialik and her divorce. I try not to read celeb fodder, but I'd seen her talking about AP on a show awhile back. Yep, I remember her from Blossom, and more recently she made news by publicizing her book about her version of attachment parenting. She cosleeps, doesn't spank, breastfeeds, baby wears, and also does elimination communication. Of course the cause of her divorce is all of this crazy parenting, husband can't handle it, they never get to have naughty time, blah, blah, blah, eye roll, vomit. The comments were endless, obviously all the commenters were marriage counselors, child development specialists, and the like. Or not. After I was finished with my tirade of angry blows at uneducated opinions and the people behind them, and a random rant to my unsuspecting husband, I figured out what I was angry about. And you know, it's the same thing that made me furious during the elections. Labels. They were attacking the label "attachment parent" without even knowing what it meant, very obviously not knowing what it meant. Very clearly not understanding that AP does not mean exactly the same for all of us and that we all adapt it to what works for us. For our family, breastfeeding and cosleeping is a necessity! We have older boys and I need a rested mama and baby to keep things running. I hate yelling, both the sound and the general feeling when a person is that angry, so we try not to do that. I am trying to understand how that is weird. In my book, it's called loving your kids, I don't have to label it with a certain philosophy or method. Love your kids. Do the best by your kids. If it feels wrong, don't do it. And really, let's stop with labels. Boy things, girl things, AP's, black, gay, gahhhh, make it stop. Let's just call it what it is, we love our kids, we choose not to hurt them, we choose to feed them in the most natural way possible (when and where they need to eat), we let them sleep near us to feel secure, we feed them in the night when they are hungry, we respond to their cries/needs/concerns. But guess what else, I tend to my needs too, I take a time out for myself when I feel like I am about the lose my $hit, I also go to nursing school because I have personal goals as well.  I even invest time in my marriage because it's important for me (and the hubs to) to feel loved and cared for. So yes, it's possible to be a balanced human and live by attachment parenting principles. In the end, we will still be labeled, and judged, and really who cares, it reminds me not to judge, to be tolerant, and gentle parent on...because the haters clearly weren't breastfed anyway, ZING!

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I'm doing it right...and so are you!!!

So the older boys got their report cards last week and I met with their teachers for conferences. I was extremely pleased to see that they'd made straight A's!!! But even more than that, I was proud of what their teachers said about them. They used words like kind, helpful, and compassionate. They offer to help other kiddos who need assistance reading or doing their work, they ask their teachers if they can help with classroom duties when they finish their work early. I'm sure that now you're ready for me to shut my bragging mouth. My intent isn't to brag, the thing is, I'm just so happy to be doing it right!!! As the sleep deprived, inexperienced mother of a 6 month old, I remember thinking "am I doing this right?". As the smells like barf, hasn't showed in 3 days mother of an 8 week old and and 18 month old, I remember thinking "is this what I am SUPPOSED to be doing??". Kids don't come with manuals, when Ethan was tiny, I wondered if I was making him too soft for a mean world. When I responded to every whim of Evan's because he was my preemie, I wondered if he would be too spoiled. It's hard when they are small and you're new to the mommy world! But now that they are older, I'm starting to understand, even if I didn't do it all right, even if I made a million mistakes, even if I did a lot alone because my hubs is a Marine, even if I raised my voice sometimes, even if I let them eat cookies when I shouldn't, that was the best I had to give at that very moment. And it was good enough! Now that the 2 big guys are older and interacting with more people, I'm getting daily feedback by way of their interactions with others and the fact that they are loving, giving, confident little humans. So what you're doing right now, loving your little ones, wearing them, nursing them, responding to their needs, following your heart, you're doing it. Perfectly!!! Not everyday will be rainbows and sunshine, some days your main goal will be to take a 3 minute shower and keep everyone alive, and that's okay. It's hard work to raise humans in a weird world. But follow your heart and your kiddos will be your feedback!



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