I'm doing it right...and so are you!!!

So the older boys got their report cards last week and I met with their teachers for conferences. I was extremely pleased to see that they'd made straight A's!!! But even more than that, I was proud of what their teachers said about them. They used words like kind, helpful, and compassionate. They offer to help other kiddos who need assistance reading or doing their work, they ask their teachers if they can help with classroom duties when they finish their work early. I'm sure that now you're ready for me to shut my bragging mouth. My intent isn't to brag, the thing is, I'm just so happy to be doing it right!!! As the sleep deprived, inexperienced mother of a 6 month old, I remember thinking "am I doing this right?". As the smells like barf, hasn't showed in 3 days mother of an 8 week old and and 18 month old, I remember thinking "is this what I am SUPPOSED to be doing??". Kids don't come with manuals, when Ethan was tiny, I wondered if I was making him too soft for a mean world. When I responded to every whim of Evan's because he was my preemie, I wondered if he would be too spoiled. It's hard when they are small and you're new to the mommy world! But now that they are older, I'm starting to understand, even if I didn't do it all right, even if I made a million mistakes, even if I did a lot alone because my hubs is a Marine, even if I raised my voice sometimes, even if I let them eat cookies when I shouldn't, that was the best I had to give at that very moment. And it was good enough! Now that the 2 big guys are older and interacting with more people, I'm getting daily feedback by way of their interactions with others and the fact that they are loving, giving, confident little humans. So what you're doing right now, loving your little ones, wearing them, nursing them, responding to their needs, following your heart, you're doing it. Perfectly!!! Not everyday will be rainbows and sunshine, some days your main goal will be to take a 3 minute shower and keep everyone alive, and that's okay. It's hard work to raise humans in a weird world. But follow your heart and your kiddos will be your feedback!



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To the future AP mama...

     I remember what I thought about parenting before I had my kids, all the things I'd never do, all the mistakes I'd never make. And then I had Ethan. Sixteen months later I had Evan. If I made a list of all the things I did differently than I thought, well, I'd be making that list for a very long time. For example, I was NEVER going to bribe with food. Well, potty training a little boy, M & M's, yep, I did that. So yeah, I'd be making that list for ages. As in, for the rest of my life. But there were a couple of things that were non-negotiable, I didn't want to let my kiddos cry themselves to sleep. I've done it before as an adult, it sucks when we are big, cannot imagine how horrid it would be as a tiny person. A tiny person left alone in the dark by the people they trust to feed them and care for them? I just don't think that is okay. And hitting, another deal breaker, I have just never understood. People like to use words like "spank" and "swat" to disguise it and make it not sound so mean. But come on, the definition of hitting is "To come into contact with forcefully", soooo, yeah. I knew I wanted to breastfeed my little ones, there is just nothing that can replace that type of nourishment and that bond. Nothing.  At the time I didn't even know that "attachment parenting" was a thing. I didn't know that I shared those ideals. And so many of the people I knew we bottle feeders, spankers, ferberizers, it was scary. But my mom and my husband were in my corner, their support got me through the tough days, the days I wanted to scream, days I wanted to run away and join the circus. Without a support system, it can be tough! Parenting is hard in general, you second guess, you wonder if you're doing it right, but without support, it's hard to follow your heart.
     As for the new mamas who want to try the AP thing, follow your heart, let your tiny amazing human guide you, because it will be SO worth it. Just today, our older boys came home with report cards, earlier this week we'd had their parent teacher conferences. Not only did they get straight A's, but their teachers told us how kind they were, how willing to help others, how compassionate. It makes my heart swell. It makes me feel like I'm doing it RIGHT. Are they perfect? No. Am I? No. But they are given the best of me there is, and that is all I have to give. No mama will ever make all the right choices, so don't get caught up counting your wrongs. As with your kids, be kind to yourself, forgive, promote confidence, and be kind. And never compare yourself to other mamas! Decide what your dealbreakers are and don't get wound up in all the rest. And remember that perfection is not an option, so be prepared for tweaks to your gameplan! So do your best and gentle parent on!

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Wait? Kids are humans too??

So I'm that mom that doesn't go through the drop off line at school, rain or shine, I park the mamamobile, put baby brother in a sling and walk big brothers into school and see their sweet little faces at their desks. I am a micromanager deluxe. I have three sons, I have to be. This morning on way in, I saw a little girl, I'd seen her before, she was in the midst of a full on, five alarm I don't wanna go to school fit, I saw these fits from her a few times a week. I walked the boys in and on my way out, she had actually taken up residence sitting indignantly on the sidewalk. My heart tugged, crap, when this happens, the hippie gets involved. I walked up in time to here the mother say to someone on the phone (no clue who she's gabbing with at 7:40am) "yeah, I'll be over in a bit, Sally is showing her butt like always at the school". Yep, it happened again, I have moments where I mentally pummel people, like cagefigher style, this was one of them. Another win for my inner zen, whew! I gave the mother the 'can I try' gesture, she gave a nonchalant shrug. So I sat down. Right on the sidewalk, toddler on my hip. I said "hey, I heard your mommy say you had Ms. Wells, I have never met her, but I'd LOVE to, want to ask your mommy if it would be okay if you took me to meet her?" She looked at her mother, who was still on the phone, and still verbally running the kid down for not wanting to go to school. Mom said yes. And we walked, small talk, no meltdowns, no incidents. She wanted somebody to WANT to take her to class. The whole thing only lasted 5 minutes, but what a lesson. For starters, they just want our time! Further, they just wanted to be treated like HUMANS. Mom was trying to embarass her into going to class. Think about this, hubs doesn't take out the trash, do you step into the road, dragging husband by the ear and shout to the neighbor "yeah, I'd come over, but I have to take the trash out, this jackhole is showing his butt and not taking out the trash!" Give me a break. Is that how we treat our friends when they annoy us? Nope. Let's try to remember to treat them like the little humans that they are. We aren't perfect, I know I am FAR from it. But to quote my dad, "I do the best I can, with what I have at the time." So just do your best and remember that next time they annoy the crap out of you, they likely just want your attention.


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As the mother of three very active and spirited boys, I understand the concept of chaos. I understand the actual inability to hear yourself think. I understand never having a moment to yourself. That being said, I have learned that my life of organized chaos IS living my dream. The two oldest boys just started back to school, leaving the littlest man and I at home alone during the day while daddy is at work. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice to be able to take the occasional nap with him when I catch up on things, or to just spend a little one on one time with my youngest. That being said, I am SO discouraged at the number of times I have heard other mothers say "whew, so glad the kids are back in school!!" As mamas we all need a little break sometimes, we need to unwind, we need peace, we need sanity. But it just isn't in me to be GLAD that my guys are gone several hours every day. Maybe I am too attached, maybe I'm an attachment parent gone crazy, who knows? I am aware that I am a little different, every time something goes slightly wrong at school I am on the verge of homeschooling, literally, every time. But I as of now, I am glad that the boys are learning, socializing, learning to get along, share, befriend other kiddos, but I am not glad they are gone just for the sake of being out of my hair. As moms, we all have our complaints, we all have our moments we want to run away, or just want a margarita! But we also have to remember to cherish the moments with our little ones. We need to try to find a way to make even the biggest mess a good experience. They look up to us, they need us to mold them, and they TRUST us!

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