To the future AP mama...

     I remember what I thought about parenting before I had my kids, all the things I'd never do, all the mistakes I'd never make. And then I had Ethan. Sixteen months later I had Evan. If I made a list of all the things I did differently than I thought, well, I'd be making that list for a very long time. For example, I was NEVER going to bribe with food. Well, potty training a little boy, M & M's, yep, I did that. So yeah, I'd be making that list for ages. As in, for the rest of my life. But there were a couple of things that were non-negotiable, I didn't want to let my kiddos cry themselves to sleep. I've done it before as an adult, it sucks when we are big, cannot imagine how horrid it would be as a tiny person. A tiny person left alone in the dark by the people they trust to feed them and care for them? I just don't think that is okay. And hitting, another deal breaker, I have just never understood. People like to use words like "spank" and "swat" to disguise it and make it not sound so mean. But come on, the definition of hitting is "To come into contact with forcefully", soooo, yeah. I knew I wanted to breastfeed my little ones, there is just nothing that can replace that type of nourishment and that bond. Nothing.  At the time I didn't even know that "attachment parenting" was a thing. I didn't know that I shared those ideals. And so many of the people I knew we bottle feeders, spankers, ferberizers, it was scary. But my mom and my husband were in my corner, their support got me through the tough days, the days I wanted to scream, days I wanted to run away and join the circus. Without a support system, it can be tough! Parenting is hard in general, you second guess, you wonder if you're doing it right, but without support, it's hard to follow your heart.
     As for the new mamas who want to try the AP thing, follow your heart, let your tiny amazing human guide you, because it will be SO worth it. Just today, our older boys came home with report cards, earlier this week we'd had their parent teacher conferences. Not only did they get straight A's, but their teachers told us how kind they were, how willing to help others, how compassionate. It makes my heart swell. It makes me feel like I'm doing it RIGHT. Are they perfect? No. Am I? No. But they are given the best of me there is, and that is all I have to give. No mama will ever make all the right choices, so don't get caught up counting your wrongs. As with your kids, be kind to yourself, forgive, promote confidence, and be kind. And never compare yourself to other mamas! Decide what your dealbreakers are and don't get wound up in all the rest. And remember that perfection is not an option, so be prepared for tweaks to your gameplan! So do your best and gentle parent on!

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