I'm New Here...

     The place I came from was so dark and cozy, it was the perfect temperature all the time, and when I wanted something I jst sent an order via the umbilical womb service and you knew just what I needed! I spent a long time in there, so when I came out and it was bright and loud and I had to wear these "diapers" and "clothes", well, it was weird, because, you see, I'm new here.
    The word is, that some people will tell you not to hold me too much, and not to tend to me every time I cry. Don't listen to them, I'm not used to this place. And your smell, sound, and touch are the only ones I know. You can't spoil me, and you can never love me TOO much, so please hold me when you can, I really need you, because I'm new here.
    I know that there are times I will cry a lot, and there are times I won't want to sleep. But be patient with me, I don't have all the words that you do, so I have a hard time telling you what I need. And even though I'm small, I'm still a human, just like you, sometimes I don't feel good, I'm cranky, my belly hurts, I'm just not tired yet, or I just want you to hold me, don't forget, I'm new here.
     And just know that I love you everyday, not just on the days you have make up on, or the ones when your clothes are clean. Even on the days when we are cranky together and cry together, I love you those days too. And just know that I will love just as much and need you just as much for the rest of my life, just in different ways, even when I'm not so new here.

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Bug Off Spray

Okay, I made it, and our first 2 nights were a success! Outside time, with no bites! For those of you who have reactions (or kiddos with reactions) to mosquito bites, you know how awful and itchy they can be. So the options are to use chemical laden sprays to avoid bites or get the horrible bites and have the itch and fear of west nile and the slew of other yuckiness associated with the blood suckers, no win situation! I did a lot of research on some of the essential oils that were suggested on the Facebook page and others I found that help bug repellent properties and came up with this recipe! Easy ratios, and easy to obtain materials!

2.5 oz. boiled water (distilled if you prefer)
2.5 oz. witch hazel
2.5 mL eucalyptus, tea tree, lemongrass, and lavender essential oils

Put them all in a spray bottle and be sure to shake before you apply each time, as the oil will rise to the top. Also, if you prefer not to use a spray, you can also place a stack of cotton
rounds in a container and pour the (well shaken) mixture over them for ready to use wipes.

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What's good for baby IS good for mama!!

Look up gentle parenting, you can find an endless wealth of wonderful information about the amazing benefits for the children. They're smart, kind, bright, secure, loving, independent, generous. The list goes on, there is no doubt that children raised consciously and gently are extremely well rounded on many different levels. But what about us? How do parents fare when parenting with purpose? Well, for lack of a better way to phrase it, we are freaking AMAZING. Seriously. I'll start here, I am NOT perfect, nowhere even in the ballpark. But when we started our parenting journey 8 years ago, we had a plan, breastfeeding, no spanking, no sleep training, that was about it. I didn't know there was a title for it, that was mostly how I was raised, so that was important to me. Then we had Evan 16.5 months later, yep, I had my days. By the time they were both toddlers, I had LOTS of "those" days. There were times I wanted to yell, there were times I did. There were even times (many of them) I was so frustrated that I thought to myself, "IF I were a spanker, THIS would be that time". But I didn't. I was forced to find another way. I was forced to think outside the box. Whether is was whispering just so they would have to calm down and listen to hear or taking a mommy time out, I had to find a better way, a way that didn't harm. The inside of your head is a scary place, but when you have to think instead of resorting to a primal anger and lashing out, you're forced to grow by thinking of new ways! Spanking is the equivalent of an angry toddler lashing out because they don't have the words to express the frustration they feel. So when we fight the urge to hit, its our brain saying "use your words!!" and you invent new ways to cope, new ways to understand and communicate. It makes us more patient with our kids, our spouses, our annoying coworkers, or the jackhole behind us in traffic. Am I saying it makes us better than other parents? Obviously not, what I'm saying is that it FORCES us to grow. Nor am I saying that those who do not practice or were not raised by gentle parenting are a failure. I'm saying that for me, I'm more patient, kinder, more tolerant, yet I STILL have my moments and always will, we all will, being human is a challenge! But when we parent with our hearts and with purpose rather than reactions and lashing out, we grow more conscientious children. And those children grow enlightened parents.

New rant...err...post?

     Okay, I remembered today why I never read the comments portion of articles. I read the one about Mayim Bialik and her divorce. I try not to read celeb fodder, but I'd seen her talking about AP on a show awhile back. Yep, I remember her from Blossom, and more recently she made news by publicizing her book about her version of attachment parenting. She cosleeps, doesn't spank, breastfeeds, baby wears, and also does elimination communication. Of course the cause of her divorce is all of this crazy parenting, husband can't handle it, they never get to have naughty time, blah, blah, blah, eye roll, vomit. The comments were endless, obviously all the commenters were marriage counselors, child development specialists, and the like. Or not. After I was finished with my tirade of angry blows at uneducated opinions and the people behind them, and a random rant to my unsuspecting husband, I figured out what I was angry about. And you know, it's the same thing that made me furious during the elections. Labels. They were attacking the label "attachment parent" without even knowing what it meant, very obviously not knowing what it meant. Very clearly not understanding that AP does not mean exactly the same for all of us and that we all adapt it to what works for us. For our family, breastfeeding and cosleeping is a necessity! We have older boys and I need a rested mama and baby to keep things running. I hate yelling, both the sound and the general feeling when a person is that angry, so we try not to do that. I am trying to understand how that is weird. In my book, it's called loving your kids, I don't have to label it with a certain philosophy or method. Love your kids. Do the best by your kids. If it feels wrong, don't do it. And really, let's stop with labels. Boy things, girl things, AP's, black, gay, gahhhh, make it stop. Let's just call it what it is, we love our kids, we choose not to hurt them, we choose to feed them in the most natural way possible (when and where they need to eat), we let them sleep near us to feel secure, we feed them in the night when they are hungry, we respond to their cries/needs/concerns. But guess what else, I tend to my needs too, I take a time out for myself when I feel like I am about the lose my $hit, I also go to nursing school because I have personal goals as well.  I even invest time in my marriage because it's important for me (and the hubs to) to feel loved and cared for. So yes, it's possible to be a balanced human and live by attachment parenting principles. In the end, we will still be labeled, and judged, and really who cares, it reminds me not to judge, to be tolerant, and gentle parent on...because the haters clearly weren't breastfed anyway, ZING!

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I'm doing it right...and so are you!!!

So the older boys got their report cards last week and I met with their teachers for conferences. I was extremely pleased to see that they'd made straight A's!!! But even more than that, I was proud of what their teachers said about them. They used words like kind, helpful, and compassionate. They offer to help other kiddos who need assistance reading or doing their work, they ask their teachers if they can help with classroom duties when they finish their work early. I'm sure that now you're ready for me to shut my bragging mouth. My intent isn't to brag, the thing is, I'm just so happy to be doing it right!!! As the sleep deprived, inexperienced mother of a 6 month old, I remember thinking "am I doing this right?". As the smells like barf, hasn't showed in 3 days mother of an 8 week old and and 18 month old, I remember thinking "is this what I am SUPPOSED to be doing??". Kids don't come with manuals, when Ethan was tiny, I wondered if I was making him too soft for a mean world. When I responded to every whim of Evan's because he was my preemie, I wondered if he would be too spoiled. It's hard when they are small and you're new to the mommy world! But now that they are older, I'm starting to understand, even if I didn't do it all right, even if I made a million mistakes, even if I did a lot alone because my hubs is a Marine, even if I raised my voice sometimes, even if I let them eat cookies when I shouldn't, that was the best I had to give at that very moment. And it was good enough! Now that the 2 big guys are older and interacting with more people, I'm getting daily feedback by way of their interactions with others and the fact that they are loving, giving, confident little humans. So what you're doing right now, loving your little ones, wearing them, nursing them, responding to their needs, following your heart, you're doing it. Perfectly!!! Not everyday will be rainbows and sunshine, some days your main goal will be to take a 3 minute shower and keep everyone alive, and that's okay. It's hard work to raise humans in a weird world. But follow your heart and your kiddos will be your feedback!



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To the future AP mama...

     I remember what I thought about parenting before I had my kids, all the things I'd never do, all the mistakes I'd never make. And then I had Ethan. Sixteen months later I had Evan. If I made a list of all the things I did differently than I thought, well, I'd be making that list for a very long time. For example, I was NEVER going to bribe with food. Well, potty training a little boy, M & M's, yep, I did that. So yeah, I'd be making that list for ages. As in, for the rest of my life. But there were a couple of things that were non-negotiable, I didn't want to let my kiddos cry themselves to sleep. I've done it before as an adult, it sucks when we are big, cannot imagine how horrid it would be as a tiny person. A tiny person left alone in the dark by the people they trust to feed them and care for them? I just don't think that is okay. And hitting, another deal breaker, I have just never understood. People like to use words like "spank" and "swat" to disguise it and make it not sound so mean. But come on, the definition of hitting is "To come into contact with forcefully", soooo, yeah. I knew I wanted to breastfeed my little ones, there is just nothing that can replace that type of nourishment and that bond. Nothing.  At the time I didn't even know that "attachment parenting" was a thing. I didn't know that I shared those ideals. And so many of the people I knew we bottle feeders, spankers, ferberizers, it was scary. But my mom and my husband were in my corner, their support got me through the tough days, the days I wanted to scream, days I wanted to run away and join the circus. Without a support system, it can be tough! Parenting is hard in general, you second guess, you wonder if you're doing it right, but without support, it's hard to follow your heart.
     As for the new mamas who want to try the AP thing, follow your heart, let your tiny amazing human guide you, because it will be SO worth it. Just today, our older boys came home with report cards, earlier this week we'd had their parent teacher conferences. Not only did they get straight A's, but their teachers told us how kind they were, how willing to help others, how compassionate. It makes my heart swell. It makes me feel like I'm doing it RIGHT. Are they perfect? No. Am I? No. But they are given the best of me there is, and that is all I have to give. No mama will ever make all the right choices, so don't get caught up counting your wrongs. As with your kids, be kind to yourself, forgive, promote confidence, and be kind. And never compare yourself to other mamas! Decide what your dealbreakers are and don't get wound up in all the rest. And remember that perfection is not an option, so be prepared for tweaks to your gameplan! So do your best and gentle parent on!

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Just stop it!!!

     So I was doing a little mindless Facebook time earlier. Some of the pages I subscribe to aren't gentle or AP pages, they're more generic parenting. Sometimes I have to call myself down from being judgy or commenting from a snotty place. I am admittedly opinionated, and I have become very set in my ways, and well, I'm a massive micromanager. But I have to remember, these people aren't perfect, an I'm not even close. Do I think I'm a better parent than I was 8 years ago? You bet. But perfect? Haaaahahaha. ha. haaa. I remember having all these parental ideals before our first son was born. I would never bribe a kid to do anything. Unnnnntil Ethan started potty training. M & M's, yeah, I did that. That was the first of many, the bottom line is, things change, and I can't feel bad about the changes. I have to embrace them and use everything as a learning experience. I realized the other day that in addition to being a lactivist, I've becoming quite an intactivist. Over the last year I have read and learned so much about how needless it is to circumcise. It's basically just the culture in the US, rather than a need based procedure. That being said, want to know why that is odd? I have 3 circumsized sons. Yep, all 3 of them. I wish I had know more back then. And though it sucks, I can't change it! Not a thing in the world I can do but learn from it. At first I was angry with myself. And then I was embarassed when other intactivists would ask. But the heart of the matter is that, as parents, there are a million things we would go back and change. Things we would tweak, things that make us wonder if we had gone temporarily insane. Want to know how many times I've looked back and thought "What the hell????". Well, how much time do you have, because it's this is going to take awhile and I won't bore you with it. What I'm saying is this, I am human. I have made bad parenting choices and I am going to make more! But I am not defined by my past choices. Did you formula feed before but want to go breast next time? Were you a prior spanker and now you want to go the AP route? Hold your head high and do what you think is best. It doesn't matter what you did before, it doesn't define you. Do what you think is right for TODAY and follow your heart! When you start beating yourself up over what you used to do, well, just stop it! You can't change yesterday, but you sure can fix tomorrow.  I have to say, the more I have tweaked my parenting by following my heart, the more my sons have flourished. Help your little ones flourish!

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